I should ... try mitigate yesterday's post. I certainly shan't apologise, nor change a single word, as ever, i said what i thought and be damned.
After arriving home feeling murderous, i took some medication and focused n the kids. They knew something was up, and it's startling how a small hand can instantly just calm you.
I meant it though, all this posturing and pretending and lying and getting ahead ... i can't anymore. Never could, but it's worse now. I feel physically ill when i see someone bully another. When i see people get trampled ... i get sick, and insanely angry. When i see the wanker in a big car, i want to hurt him.
I need to get out of here.
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No man is an island, Entire of itself. Each is a piece of the continent, A part of the main. If a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less. As well as if a promontory were. As well as if a manner of thine own Or of thine friend’s were. Each man’s death diminishes me, For I am involved in mankind. Therefore, send not to know For whom the bell tolls, It tolls for thee.
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4 comments:
Perhaps surprisingly, I do know how you feel.
It's not going to help to point out that the wanker in the big car is you. And me, but for these purpopses specifically you. (evil grin).We are not just connected - we are All This.
But yes, I've felt like that before, and no doubt will again. It goes away, as you know.
(Life...arrives, tortures you for a while, then leaves...Wilber or one of those hotshot Buddhists).
Love,
Terri in Joburg
# There must be some way out of here
# Said the joker to the thief
There are some that believe, and I'm one of them, that a lot of accumulated nonsense is being forced off us now by stormy (solar) winds. Same thing seems to be happening to the planet. I've had a hell of a rough time but I don't seem to be missing anything I've left behind so far.
I don't think we'll see "normal" again for a very long time.
# There are many here among us who feel that life is but a joke
I agree that wanker in the big car is us. The same process that produced us produced them. But they need to learn a lesson. We all do in some way and I think how hard the knock is going to be depends on how willing we are to listen, which in turn depends on how willing we have been to listen.
Those people, who buy luxury cars to make them feel better (than everyone else), and do "whatever it takes" to get them and "to hell with everyone else" aren't going to know what hit them. I'd think that I'd indulge in some schadenfreude when the time comes but something already tells me the sadness of it all will be too much.
i know you know Terri .. we all know ... somewhere inside us. Difference is, you and i admit it at least ... that's all.
Maybe... i see what you mean but i'm NOT ... i'm the guy on the bike who is trying desperately to claw out of that. And yeah ... life ... i'm struggling to understand, the point of it all, from a cosmic perspective.
I mean, you got God, or the big IT .. whatever. Doesn't matter whether you start now, and work back, or start at the big bang and work forward ... if there is any underlying structure, and i may even have figured it out, but even if there is, it's fucking arbitrary and useless to us here and now, further than an ideal ... hope sticking it's scrawny neck out again.
Hope is ALL we actually have. REALITY, this everything we have access to, is a mirage. THEN WHY DOES IT HURT SO MUCH???
Damn Pstonie ... i think i love you right now ... you be the joker i'll be the thief ;-)
peace and love
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