Money rant

Bit of a personal tangent here, but feel i need to share. Just point and look really. I'm an average IT guy, good job, and am fortunate in having all the basics, house food etc.
But i'm losing. Month after month it's just getting too much to live. I do it for my kids. They need: security, education, love, food, shelter, playtime and all else besides. This means that i have to provide as best i can, and in my mind, doing the 7-4 daily grind is the only way.
If i were alone i can assure you i would live very differently. For starters i wouldn't ever come to the big city, except to maybe visit family. Tried that though, living in a rural town, and i couldn't hardly provide for myself, never mind a family.
So i go to work everyday. A round trip of 60 km. Despite having bought a bike, for petrol and maintenance saving. It still costs me over a quarter of my salary to get to work and back. About R2500 per month, including insurance, although NOT including maintenance, like tyres, brakes, etc.
Medical aid is somwhere around R2000 a month. Also a NECESSITY. You cannot allow a loved one to descend the hell of the public health system. I've seen enough people walk in and die through neglect.
School fees are high, around R1500 for 2 kids in primary shool, again, not negatiable, despite it being a government school, and the closest to us. This excludes uniforms, stationary, and other stuff.
Elecricity is the killer, and honestly i can no longer afford to use heaters. So i have heaters i cannot afford to use, security lights i cannot afford to use, a pool i never run. Despite this, electricity is to increase a staggering 31%.
Taxes, all shapes and sizes.
Through the high petrol price, i cannot really travel. Seldom can i visit friends in the evenings, as it's a calculable cost, which tends to sober any "spur of the moment" decisions.
I don't do breakfast runs on the bike. And never eat out. And never go to bars.
Despite this, the pressure is incereasing exponentially. Soon i will be required to pay 50cents per kilometre on my route to work, something that will immediately add R30 PER DAY. Or R600 per month. For something that i, as citizen have already paid for. It currently costs more in toll fees than petrol to travel to durban.

This is not going away. I cannot DO anything, and even simple hobbies seem like too much money. Daily life keeps me in debt. Any time we have ever broken even with our accounts, we are beset with repairs, car, bike, house or medical. Or receive a stupidly large electricity bill, say R5000, which must be paid or else. You query, get messed around, get angry, depressed, and poor.

So i stay home mostly, tinker with whatever i can, read books on my c, because even buying books is out of my range. Look, i read, i read well, but isn't it alarming when BOOKS are too expensive?

And then comes christmas, and SERIOUSLY fucks everyting up again. An annual fuck you from society. When i suggest that we drop the solar festival that has FUCKALL to do with JESUS CHRIST, or GOD, or us even, i get told: "but the children, you can't do that". Why not? My kids break anything you give them. Within hours usually. Even, ESPECIALLY the expensive stuff. They become the most horrid caricatures of greedy, thoughtless, selfish children. ANd i must smile and sell my soul for THAT?

I have my son "opportunistically taking" money to prove to his schoolmates that he isn't poor. It's all wrong. I have been mulling a post called: I am the problem.

I am. My life, my habits, needs and wants are what is killing society. And i am someone who is aware, and actively works towards creating a better now.

I believe in changing your world by starting at home. But i am so limited in choices that free will seems absurd.

Ok, i'm done, i think. Please hear me, this isn't a pity party. My life is not bad, nor unusual, and i know i'm better off than most. It's not enough. you fight all your life, and still get nowhere. This blog, and the window on the web is a life saver, for my mind. It's my soul that concerns me.